A hand shot up from the middle of the crowd.

“I don’t know if this is too personal…”

I was at a book event for The New Jew in Milwaukee, my hometown. One of my favorite parts of author events is the opportunity to answer questions. Not only does it bring me closer to readers and vise versa, it helps me to understand myself. It’s cheaper than therapy.

“… You mentioned you’re single. I wonder, as you look for your next partner, would you only have a committed relationship with someone who is Jewish?” More »

The thing about converting, like any journey, is that it is not exactly a transformation, a leaving of one self to embrace another. Instead, it’s adding another ingredient to the mix. I have Catholic, Midwestern roots, and I’ve added a little New York Jew.

Harrison and Olivia started school two days ago. I remember what it was like to be their ages, in eighth grade and fifth grade respectively. I also remember what it was like to be parented at their ages, and I can’t help but measure my way of mothering against my parents’. Seems they win every time, particularly in the area of raising responsible children.

By fifth grade I was making my lunch, putting away my clean laundry, cleaning an assigned part of the house every Saturday, and self-motivating with homework. In eighth grade, I was doing all that and more – arranging rides to after-school events, managing my own social calendar, time-managing my way through the semester-long homework assignments, and washing my own clothes – separating darks from lights. Oh, and I was always cleaning the kitchen. Since birth, I’m pretty sure. 

Maybe its the Jewish mother in me – a role I always felt naturally suited for – or perhaps its a sign of the times of raising busy kids, but I’m quite sure that my children aren’t nearly as self-sufficient. And with that lack of ability comes a lower self-esteem.  I have to remember that all people deserve to have a solid, positive, self-perception. But that only comes with accomplishments. If one is just told they’re wonderful all the time, well, I just defined narcissism. 

So, raising kids with these tangled roots – hearty Midwesterner and doting Jewishness – has its challenges. I have to be willing to nag like my poor mother had to do her entire life with children in the house. And I have to be willing to be scowled at. I can also bake for them, dote on them when they’re sick, do a fair amount of meddling, and always talk of things spiritual. With any luck, my own kids’ roots will have their own sense of security from knowing they can take care of themselves.

by Sylvia Lichtenger

My youngest son, Wyatt, just had his bar mitzvah this past Saturday. Yes, I converted when I married my husband David. And no, I’m not”religious”.  I converted because I felt a pull towards Judaism, I wanted to contribute something — I had no real idea what I was contributing, but I had such admiration for the culture, such respect for all that Jews have done in terms of scientific advancement, education, philanthropy.

So when I was sitting watching the ceremony, it hit me. I had borne and raised two young Jewish young men, two additions to the world, who hopefully had the Jewish values that I did NOT have growing up. Two human beings that cared about the needy, that cared about Jewish history, that helped the 6 million dead not die in vain. I finally knew why I converted, and I cried tears of thankfulness and relief.

I did not convert merely to recite meaningless Hebrew in temple, I converted to further a wonderful faith/culture/religion – whatever you want to call it. Let’s face it.On a per capita basis, Jews have done more for mankind that any other group, and I have done my part to help that group survive.

You know a bit about my conversion: a Catholic girl from Wisconsin, moves to New York, marries a Jew, and does not convert. Actually, she does convert, but not until 8 years into her marriage when, after having doors closed to her, she discovers the beauty of the Judaism.

But that’s not every convert’s story. Recently a friend told me she studied Judaism for one quick month before she married her Jewish husband, converted, and voila! Now she’s Jewish. Andi Rosenthal, author of the upcoming book, Six Sonnets, became so enraptured by Judaism in her conversion that she continues to explore the path of Rabbinic School. There are countless (and I do mean countless) stories to tell about what it is like to convert, and what it is like to have converted. And they are different from one person to the next.

Tell us yours. What motivated you to convert? What is life like now, as a New Jew? Did you bring your former traditions into your life as a Jew? Have you ever looked back? Do you ever look forward? Tonight, at a book event, I was asked if there were times when I still feel like an outsider to the religion. My answer was an unequivocal Yes. It’s an interesting duality. While, on one hand, I feel like an enthusiastic, somewhat knowledgeable Jew, on the other hand I can feel like I have so much more to learn! 

If you feel like sharing any of your tales – short or long, humorous or poignant, odd or predictable – email me at sally@sallysrokfriedes.com. Anonymity is absolutely fine. Honesty is non-negotiable. You might be surprised at how much you enjoy writing it.

I have to wonder what, exactly, makes a Jewish mother distinct from all other mothers. Is it her neurosis and smothering? Or is it her unconditional love for her kids? As a convert to Judaism, I have a fresh, flattering idea of what it is to be a Jewish mother… doting, caring, nurturing, and always bragging. Maybe that’s because I’ve been surrounded by some pretty incredible Jewish mothers.

Wikipedia, however, offers a different version. The author of the post suggests the stereotype “generally involves a nagging, overprotective, manipulative, controlling, smothering, and overbearing mother or wife, one who persists in interfering in her children’s lives long after they have become adults.”

As my son Harrison would say, “Harumph!” (he reads a lot of comics). More »

“No, I didn’t convert for my husband.”

It is a sentence that had spilled from my lips countless times. That my motivation for converting was for marriage would be a seemingly safe assumption, given that I had married a Jewish man. But my conversion was the result of a nearly decade long spiritual quest. So complex was it, that it finally took a book, The New Jew , to answer the oft-asked question, “Why did you convert?”

If the journey writing about my conversion was rich and enlightening, speaking with readers is absolutely illuminating. It’s not only because it offers me the opportunity to hear other peoples’ stories. It’s because of the new ideas that those conversations spurn. This blog is one of those ideas. More »